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Robbie owns BST Hyde Park!

robbie playing hyde park
robbie playing hyde park Image credit: metro.co.uk

Whilst the National Anthem was being played a few miles away at Lords to celebrate England’s world cup victory a tweaked version was being blared out across Hyde Park.

For those who have caught Robbie Williams on the road over the past few years not only would you be familiar with the cheeky opening you’d recognise his digs to Take That, potty mouth and the reminder for the next two hours his ‘arse is your arse!’

After entertaining us from that track off his debut album the band start playing YMCA which triggers a birds-eye view of the worse Yoga lesson in central London until Williams asks ‘What the fuck is that?’ cutting the Village People in their tracks and causing a Monsoon broken by the crashing waves of Old Before I die, the chorus of which our boy from Stroke-On-Trent wants to be heard “over in Watford.”

Tonight is the fifth and final day of the British Summer Time festival, we are surprised that the egotistic performer failed to mention it was also the only one which sold out. Mind you we suspect there’s more than a few sport fanatics in the crowd a bit cheesed off the all-day gig supported by the likes of Texas and Keane clashes of Super Sport Sunday.

For the church goers their service continues when RW tells them he “worships at the alter of entertainment” where rule one is to “love your audience” before adding he loved them a ‘different way’ back in the nineties. His jest is lapped up by the cult of fifty thousand members, including one woman who will soon be the brunt of Robbie’s saucy behaviour of yesteryear.

Now he has the royal park in his grasp it’s time for the joker to relay his first anecdote about how his manager called him with an offer he couldn’t refuse last year…A contract with Weight Watchers. So now he has replaced his diet of cocaine and hookers with herbal tea and hummus.

Carrying on the healthy living theme he jokes the best dancer to Candy will be invited backstage for the Levantine dip, although in reality the only reward will be one of the T-Shirts Robbie throws out to the crowd – slim fit of course!

Our Rob is in good shape nowadays having confessed he was obese a few years ago and more recently he didn’t leave the house for three years after suffering from agoraphobia which cost him his job on American Idol, although Simon Cowell came knocking again in 2018 when Williams landed a role as a judge on The X Factor with his wife Ayda.

Tonight he brings his ‘friends’ out from the show. The budding singers, still trying to bag a record contract, join Robbie to perform Take That’s Never Forget – although this time around we doubt they will be invited back to judges houses.

We guess the after party back at the William’s residents will include Pa (Peter Williams) reminiscing the cover of Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline he played earlier on that very evening!

“My dad once walked on me when I was watching porn. He warned me it’ll make me go blind. I shouted ‘Dad, I’m over here’” says the singer who has tattoos of Tommy Cooper, the Two Ronnies spectacles logo and the Morecambe and Wise’s “skip dance” inked across his body.

The family tree references branch out towards Ayda, “I used to sing She’s The One to her before bed. Now I sing Shaggy’s It Wasn’t Me’ Our comedian continues referencing the 2000 song which features the lines, ‘Honey came in and she caught me red-handed, Creeping with the girl next door, Picture this we were both butt naked, Banging on the bathroom floor

“My kids, I fucking love ‘em. Teddy (his eldest) came into my room one morning and said she’d be happy when I die because she will get my bedorrom.”

Okay, so it isn’t Michael McIntyre quality, but it what we come to expect from Rob. He’s an all-round entertainer and despite the cringe worthy end-of-the-pier routine he just about saves embarrassment by roping it in and dedicating Love My Life to his children.

Teddy, Charlie and Coco were yet to be conceived when Eternity was released in 2001. For some reason it’s a song which Robbie hasn’t played live “for a very long time” but tonight hopefully reminds him how gut-punching and sentimental it is…As you can probably tell it’s one of our personal favourites.

As for Leslie her fav Robbie song may or may not be Somethin’ Stupid after she is singled out in the crowd to join her idol on a sofa. It’s a sketch worthy of the comedy greats sown into his torso all put together as Rob lies on top of the fan, jests behind her back and sticks his fingers up her nose.

“I’m going to take you back to the last century,” Williams promises as we set the DeLorean to 1998 so Robbie can pre-empt the Millennium before the stand-up routine reaches its climax…

‘Years ago I worked with four lads. I had a great time,’ RW starts. ‘Then I left McDonalds and joined Take That’. The punchline is Robbie left the boyband, became pissed off and wrote No Regrets.

The only disappointment comes for those hoping for a surprise appearance from Kylie for Kids – it doesn’t happen but there’s some salvation when Rock DJ turns its frequency into the setlist.

With Leslie safely back in her space there’s still time to pick on one last audience member for the encore. A young gentleman wearing a shirt with the message ‘Your best gay friend’ fills the big screens around Hyde Park encouraging Robbie to tweak the title to one of his many classics ‘He’s’ the One.

Course he plays Angels – wouldn’t be a Robbie gig without it! And after he closes the show solo singing a rendition of Claude Francois’ My Way the decibels of cheers over Hyde Park come a close second to Lewis Hamilton fans and Djokovic devotees…Oh and a few English cricket fans!

Access at BST Hyde Park.

You know what’s so good if you apply for accessible parking at BST? Not only do you miss any traffic going out, a buggy comes to take you to and from the dedicated entrance.

Another bonus is the spacious viewing platform situated directly in front of the VIP grandstand which has a waiter service and a ground level to cater for as many people as possible.

There was a BSL interpreter onsite which was projected on one of the screens for those with hearing loss.

As for accessible toilets there was a whole block of them next to the viewing platform.

PA’s had laminates so the access guest could chose who they took on the viewing platform throughout the day abiding to the plus one conditions.

Bars around the site and the VIP area offer a designated service area with a lowered counter and avoiding the queues.

Setlist – Robbie Williams – BST Hyde Park – 7 July 2019

Let Me Entertain You

Monsoon

We Will Rock You

Old Before I Die

Land of 1000 Dances

Candy

Come Undone

Never Forget

Sweet Caroline

It Wasn't Me

Love My Life

Eternity

Somethin' Stupid

Millennium

Hot Fudge

No Regrets

Feel

Kids

Rock DJ

She's the One

Angels

My Way

What did you make of the Access?

Belinda from London

It was quite a long walk from the drop off point to the viewing platform and the coffee outlets were miles away, although apart from that everything was fantastic and the staff were amazing.

View from the accessible platform for the Great Oak Stage