Joey Essex shows his serious side on a BBC documentary next week where he speaks about the grieving process he went through after losing his mother to suicide in 2001.
The TOWIE star was just 10 when his mum Tina took her own life after suffering from severe depression.
In Joey Essex: Grief and Me the TV star breaks down in tears when he says he pushes women away because he is worried they may leave him believing his anxiety can be traced back to the death of his mother.
“My mum loved me, but she left me. I just think to myself: If she loved me that much, why would she leave me?” Joey says in the film with tears running down his face.
“I’ve had loads of relationships but I always end up pushing them away.
“Imagine if I was with someone and I had kids with them and I really did love that person and then she left me. I wouldn’t know what to do. I’m already thinking we’re gonna break up before we’re together. I’m pushing it away.”
Joey sought professional help from clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal.
In a moving conversation we see Joey tell the expert he would wake up in the middle of the night screaming his mum’s name.
“I remember the time when I used to wake up screaming ‘Tell mum I love her.’ I used to . . . now it’s come back to me. I used to just repeat it — I’d panic and go crazy,” Joey said.
He went on to reveal to “fill a gap” in his life he has spent thousands of pounds, but would give up everything just to spend one more hour with his mum.
“I remember the time when I used to wake up screaming ‘Tell mum I love her.’ I used to . . . now it’s come back to me. I used to just repeat it — I’d panic and go crazy,” he explained.
Joey Essex: Grief and Me is on BBC One on Thursday June 3 at 9pm and available afterwards on BBC iPlayer.
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