They have no chance whatsoever, those talentless wooden cardboard cutouts who sing for your pleasure on a Saturday night. We are talking bout those sad people who enter Pop Idol, the ones who believe they can sing and make a mark in the music industry. There's n way in a million years that they will ever be inducted into the UK Hall Of Fame, the latest annual music awards which has grown considerably despite being born after just one year. 2005 sees a new home for the event at Alexander Palace where the red carpet was rolled out to welcome some music legends for a glitzy and glamorous fantastic evening. Of course, we were there and here's what happened..

CHAMPAGNE RECEPTION

The last time we saw a stunted growth Elvis, blokes in drag wearing Madonna pointed bras and the Beatles dressed in Sergeant Pepper Uniforms juggling we were in the Healing Fields at Glastonbury! Tonight we didn't need to purchase any kind of substances from Hippies to experience this weird sight. The theme reception at Alexander Palace was a great way to start the 2nd UK Hall Of Fame Awards and we were positioned at the prime spot so we could watch the guests arriving down the red carpet and being snapped by all the regular journalists who we have come to known and love over the years. VIP guests and friends of Onetel snuck into the far left room, which was to be transferred into the party area after the ceremony had ended. We managed to sneak in and caught Slash making his way backstage and asked him to sign our book. Despite having a hard Rock 'n' Roll image the Guns 'N' Roses guitarist happily obliged. We also saw our mate, Vernon Kaye who gave us a friendly slap on the back - he was sober at this stage! After avoiding the crowd assembly in the main foyer we went to the auditorium with minutes to spare and sitting a stone throw distance away from Live8 promoter, Harvey Goldsmith we were ready to experience the show.

THE CEREMONY

The Hall Of Fame isn't exactly an award show, it's more of a celebration of great musicians over the past decades which will live in our musical hearts forever. Or until we go bloody senile and start enjoying bands such as Simply Red! There's no winners as such, just a few musicians who have been chosen by a committee of people in the industry who know something about music! Last year acts such as Bob Marley, U2, Madonna and The Rolling Stones were the first to be giving the honors. This years first candidate was Aretha Franklin. Now, Aretha is so blooming scared of flying she has never set foot on a plane and sadly tonight wasn't an exception. There's very little chance we will ever see her on our shores, but to compensate a cover of one of her hits was performed by a group on stage with Jamie Cullum on piano.
Bob Dylan is renowned to be a right miserable, unapproachable sod as well as his pro-civil rights and antiwar songs in the sixties. Tonight he was certainly unapproachable - as he wasn't there. Currently on tour Dylan couldn't attend to collect his Hall Of Fame gong, Alanis Morissette was chosen to cover two of Dylan's tracks. She was picked, according to host Dermot O'Leary because she was on the few talented singers who could pull off a Dylan cover not because she is also a miserable cow! (This is a tad unfair as we met her a few years ago and she is rather pleasant - but hey, that's journalism for you!)
Jimi Hendrix couldn't make it because of the simple reason - he's dead. The legend earning himself a place in the Hall Of Fame was represented by his daughter and footage of his remarkable ability to play the guitar using his teeth was shown on a film, with numerous celebrities singing his praises. All was going well until two guests presenters took to the stage to present the trophy, Slash and Mitch Mitchell from the Jimi Hendrix Experience. Mitch wouldn't shut up and his boring, over long speech was finally given a welcome abrupt ending from some music. Slash made some sarcastic references whenever he could squeeze a word in edgeways before going across to the stage and performing some Hendrix classics with a supergroup which included Steve Winwood.
When two bands are given the same introduction to the Hall Of Fame things can become rather confusing, but when those bands are Joy Division and New Order it all makes sense. Since the death of Joy Division's lead singer, Ian Curtis the surviving members formed New Order. If Curtis had still been with us the two year history of Joy Division would had only been the very start and Peter Hook, along with Bernard probably wouldn't had been thrust into the limelight.
Before the show in the VIP area we were explaining about earlier we managed to catch Annie Lennox gearing up for her performance with the other Eurythmic, Dave Stewart. Being introduced to the UK Hall Of Fame this year gave the audience to see the two reunited at last and the pair didn't disappoint. With 75 million record sales under their belt this was no surprise.
Bob Geldof gets around doesn't he? His badly christened daughter, Peaches watched from her seat as Daddy introduced Pink Floyd. It was Sir Bob who managed to reunite the band back in July for LIVE8, but this wasn't going to be the case tonight. Only two of the four members attended tonight with Gillmour giving a short speech, Roger Walters gave his thanks on a live linkup and then they disappeared again. It is rumored that Harvey Goldsmith is trying to reunite 'The Floyd' for a second time, although no news has reached us on how his plans are going.
We aren't young here at ABLE2UK, but when it comes to talking about the next band to claim a role in the Hall Of Fame it's going to be quite tricky as they were around in the sixties. We suggest that you ask your grandparents about The Kinks as we can only remember 'You Really Got Me' & 'All Day and All Of The Night.' Ray Davies is still going strong though and continuing touring whenever he can. Oh and we recall 'Waterloo Sunset' as well, bloody hell maybe we are getting on a bit!
Towards the end of the show one man was about to steal the night. Backed up by his famous band, Black Sabbath Ozzy Osbourne set Alexander Palace alight and mooned to the audience towards the end of his set. We spotted Sharon and Kelly backstage and all the bats made a brief departure from the venue.
Although Roger Daltrey couldn't attend it was Pete Townshend who made a great acceptance speech for The Who when it was their time to accept their introduction. With John Entwistle and Keith Moon sadly no longer with us the band are still on fine form.
There was just one more final award to be handed out, the Honorary member award. Without John Peel the music business wouldn't be so vibrate as it is today. Even though John passed away last year he certainly hasn't been forgotten with nearly every music award in 2005 paying tribute to him. A John Peel single is being released before Christmas and a second Peel day is already being planned. Peel's favorite song 'Teenage Kicks' was performed by the Buzzcocks, who seemed very intoxicated at the after show party. Which leads us quite nicely into the third and final section of this report..

AFTER SHOW PARTY

The organisers were clever, very clever. At so many of these events straight after the how the artists bugger off straight away. These rock dudes can't be bothered to travel far to a bash, but the party tonight was right next to the dressing room area. The show was shown again on large TV screens and a revolving bar in the middle of the room made sober guests question how strong their free drinks were. For those who fancied something to end canapés of fish dishes, chips and an ice cream van was present to cool guests off as they partied the night away on the dancefloor.
Kelly Osbourne was seen with a guy, could this be a new boyfriend? And members of Black Sabbath were spotted chatting and making new English fans. By the way keep your eyes peeled to ABLE2UK over the next month or two as we may have some Ozzy news for you!
The chairman of the BPI, Peter Jamieson was taking notes as his music bonanza, The Brits take place is February.
Drunken Vernon Kaye was spotted with Edith Bowman and James from Starsailor for most of the evening. Slash was in a cornered off VIP space, but was more than happy to talk to guests and even made an impromptu appearance on the DJ stand. The Buzzcocks were drinking anything they could find and our favorite club, Embassy looked after everyone until 2am. At the moment there is no actual 'Hall of Fame, something which was pointed out by Pete Townshend in the actual show itself, but plans are afoot to build one when the Millennium Dome is reopened.

So, another year of the Hall Of Fame passes us by and rock legends must be crossing their fingers ready for 2006. If your lucky enough to be inducted - we'll see you there!

Related Sites::

Hall Of Fame Website)
Bob Dylan Site
Eurythmics Site
Pink Floyd Site
Aretha Franklin Site
Jimi Hendrix Site
Ray Davies Site
New Order Site
Ozzy Osbourne Site
Pete Townshend site
John Peel Site