DO WE WHEELY NEED THIS?.

New wheelchair dance show to be shown on BBC 3.

Published: 2nd Febuary 2010

Personally, we would have preferred a programme titled 'Spastics On Ice', but BBC3 being a satellite channel probably couldn't afford the health and safety bill to cover cripples falling arse over tit on slippery surfaces in the name of good family entertainment. So, from next week we will have to settle for yet another strictly-fameacademy-x-factor-danicingonice-wankersgottalent second rate garbage television show called 'Dancing On Wheels'.

The three worded title of this new TV show no doubt explains what the show is about, so if you want to save yourself the boredom of reading the next few paragraphs you are given our blessing to clear off and read another, more interesting article.

For those heat readers who are still with us we will cut our sarcasm and focus on the show itself...

Choreographer Brian Fortuna, who you have probably seen on Strictly Come Dancing is now stranger to cripples in wheelchairs as he has eight years experience in wheelchair dancing - A dancing movement which started in the sixties. Brian will be helping the dancers train throughout the series.

As far as the contestants go, each couple will be made up of an able-bodied celebrity desperate to regain their crumbling career and a wheelchair bound member of Jo Public.

The full line up is as follows...

CAROLINE 'Used to host Kids TV show TMi' FLACK - JAMES 'If I had seen that bloody train coming I wouldn't be in a wheelchair' O'SHEA

MICHELLE 'Think leaving Eastenders to peruse a music career may have been a bad move' GAYLE - HARRY 'had cancer on the spine' MAULE

MARK 'I'm a bloody good swimmer' FOSTER - DIANA 'Should had waited for the next train instead of trying to jump onto the one she needed and falling into the gap - Doh!' MORGAN-HILL

HEATHER 'M-People reunion probably on the cards again' SMALL - PAUL 'Not the best motor cycle driver in the world' JACOB

KEVIN 'I'm in Hollyoaks - So will do anything for publicity that even extends to dancing with a cripple' SACRE - SIMONE 'Haemorrhage in Spine' MILANI

Each week the five couples will be judged by Strictly Come Dancing pro's James and Ola Jordan & Paralympian, Ade Adepitan - who is also the shows host.

Each week the couple who receives the least amount of votes will have to walk away - Well, wheel away as well if you think about it!

Dancing On Wheels starts at 9pm, BBC 3 on 11th February.