Menu prices are doubled, the cost of a single petal rises to the cost of a bouquet and mysterious cards are sent to frigid women by testerone lads. Valentines Day gives stress and hassle to every guy trapped in a relationship and jealous tears to those having a relationship with their right wrist. This year help was at hand, those in the music business could take their loved ones to the annual Brit Awards and the singles could escape a night by themselves playing on their recently purchased Wii.

Shagger of the year 2006, Russell Brand had to keep his dinkle covered for at least two hours whilst he hosted his first Brits with Chris Evans securely locked away in the Radio 2 offices entertaining his recently found older generation audience. The first time live since Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood made television gold for all the wrong reasons the 2007 Brits had a short delay and a 'fuck button' poised underneath the producer's finger in the control room. We aren't making the name up - it was actually christened the F Button by the ITV crew. Having to be pressed twice before the 9 O'clock watershed even the safety device couldn't detour viewers from hearing Brand's rants about Robbie in rehab and the odd crack at the war in Iraq escalating to thousands of irate offended old women crashing the ITV complaint lines having a moan. (Clearly they were single on this Valentines and had little or no knowledge connecting a games console).

Instead of feeding BT with silly calls maybe they should had voted for the Best British Single on the live show giving Take That a wider percentage of support when they easily scooped the award. Still, who cares about Russell's jokes when Earls Court was transformed into a massive love den with the largest Brit stage to date. Cupid's arrow split the set in two with Love and Hate themes on opposing sides.

Scissor Sisters started the evening with puppetry stolen from Button Moon (ask your older brother) black costumes on a back backdrop gave the impression that the flamboyant group had swallowed Robbie Williams drug cabinet and were flying across the stage. Afterwards Keith Allen took to the stage,(well at least one member of the Allen family did!) and handed Muse their award for best live act. Snow Patrol were the second live act of the night and have just been confirmed to headline the Isle Of Wright festival in June. Not a bad performance tonight, but we have seen the guys play a lot more sharper over the years.

As far as presenters go the awards struggled this year. Johnny Depp was supposed to give Oasis their award, it ended up being handed over to them by Russell Brand! And some presenters were either has beens, un heard of or people who would jump for any publicity thrown at them. For example, Jo Whiley.

So, Toni Collette gave Orson an award, luckily a known face preceded Toni whatshername to hand over a gong to The Fratellis - Jarvis Cocker. Last seen at the Brits lumbering on stage and stirring up trouble with Michael Jackson. How we wished Jacko had been there this year to seek revenge, but he was probably caught up in another liable court case or spending Valentines with a minor.

They told her to go to rehab, but she said No, No, No. Probably because Amy Winehouse was too busy snorting cocaine as she prepared to perform in front of a 50's backdrop. To be fair on the night we couldn't tell she had been on the Charlie, we had to wait 48 hours to see the photo in a tabloid with coke unwiped away under her nose. Talking of people who need medical attention and for that matter, fashion advice, UK artist Joss Stone came on stage. Hours earlier she had Radio 1 producers sweating when she swore live on air, now she still came across as a lunatic with purple hair and a dress modeled on Joseph's multicolored dreamcoat. Handing James Morrison his best male award she left the stage, collapsed and died. No, she didn't - sorry, just wishful thinking!

Erin O’Connor (who?) gave the next award to Justin Timberlake who couldn't make the night and then The Killers played in a small box. Sadly, from one of the best bands at the moment their set was a tad disappointing. Talking of disappointments, Jo Whiley was the next guest presenter to give Amy Winehouse the best British female award. Then it was time for the International woman to shine and Ricky from the Kiaser Chiefs had the pleasure to give Nelly Furtado her award. Nelly was fanatical and as she calmed herself down Take That played 'Patience'.

Last night we saw Kasabain in Hammersmith and bumped into the Antic Monkeys at the after show. Two hours later the Monkeys would be seen at the Cuckoo Club at their Oasis party, but right now, at this moment in time, they are dressed up as the cast from the Wizard Of Oz on a screen accepting their British Group album because they, um, 'can't attend because they are working on their second album'. The lying swines!

The stars of Hot Fuzz, Simon Pegg & Nick Frost, blimey we have heard of them! give The Killers the award for Best International album paving the way for two more yank acts. Red Hot Chili Peppers performing and Areosmith's Steve Tyler handing The Killers a second award for Best International Group. Sophie Ellis Baxtor also helped Tyler present the award, but let's be honest - who cares about her?

Corinne Bailey Rae gave a fairly decent performance then Alan Carr managed four kisses off Take That when he gave them the Best Single Award.

Having changed from Oz characters the Arctic Monkeys now wore Village People costumes for their second acceptance speech on screen when they picked up the Best British Album award.

The awards came to a close with 5 tracks from the winners of Outstanding Contribution To Music Award, Oasis and then it was time to party.

Once again the Brits proved to be a great night and despite the lack of A-List presenters we can't wait to do the same thing next year. 'We are going to the Brits again in 2008 and looking for a date', now if that isn't a chat up line to guarantee a Valentine ready for next year we don't know what is!

British male solo artist
Winner: James Morrison
Also nominated: Jarvis Cocker, Lemar, Paolo Nutini, Thom Yorke.

British female solo artist
Winner: Amy Winehouse
Also nominated: Corinne Bailey Rae, Jamelia, Lily Allen, Nerina Pallot.

British album
Winner: Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Also nominated: Amy Winehouse - Back to Black, Lily Allen - Alright Still, Muse - Black Holes & Revelations, Snow Patrol - Eyes Open.

British group
Winners: Arctic Monkeys
Also nominated: Kasabian, Muse, Razorlight, Snow Patrol.

British breakthrough act
Winners: The Fratellis
Also nominated: Corinne Bailey Rae, James Morrison, The Kooks, Lily Allen. (Winner chosen by BBC Radio 1 listeners)

International breakthrough act
Winners: Orson
Also nominated: Gnarls Barkley, The Raconteurs, Ray Lamontagne, Wolfmother. (Winner chosen by MTV viewers)

British live act
Winners: Muse
Also nominated: George Michael, Guillemots, Kasabian, Robbie Williams. (Winner chosen by BBC Radio 2 listeners)

British single
Winner: Take That - Patience
Also nominated: The Feeling - Fill My Little World, Razorlight - America, Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars, Will Young - All Time Love. (A live public vote will decide the winner on the night)

International male solo artist
Winner: Justin Timberlake
Also nominated: Beck, Bob Dylan, Damien Rice, Jack Johnson.

International female solo artist
Winner: Nelly Furtado
Also nominated: Beyonce, Cat Power, Christina Aguilera, Pink.

International group
Winners: The Killers
Also nominated: The Flaming Lips, Gnarls Barkley, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Scissor Sisters.

International album
Winner: The Killers - Sam's Town
Also nominated: Bob Dylan - Modern Times, Gnarls Barkley - St Elsewhere, Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSounds, , Scissor Sisters - Ta-Dah.

Outstanding contribution to music: Oasis