'Bloody hell mate, I've just been backstage and you should see the state of 'em!,'
'Bad is it?'
'Well, let's put it like this, you can't identify which ones are male and which are female!'
'Apparently though they have a massive lesbian following, so it should be good'
The two 'blokes' working at the stage door at the Albert Hall had never heard of Jake Shears and BabyDaddy, two members of the New York based glam band which would make even the most heterosexual guy jump from his seat and wiggle his ass for a few tracks. Tonight saw the biggest UK venue the band had headlined to date. They had been wowing crowds at the UK festivals over the Summer and even performed in front of their biggest fan, Sir Elton John, who personally asked them to play for him. An offer which can't be turned down!, well apart from Madonna maybe, but that's a different story.
Although Elton wasn't present there was another punter in the venue which was given a name check from the band. Richard O'Brian, who according to the band, gave them inspiration. Most of the band's families were present as well and could been seen dancing away to the sounds of 'Take Your Mama Out', 'Laura' and the slushy ballad, 'Mary'. The set also included a cover of Franz Ferdiand's 'Take Me Out'. They played until 11.10pm, which was just as well because the two blokes at the stage door were going to pull the plug at 11.15pm regardless. Another reason for ending ten minutes after their scheduled curfew was that they had a party to attend at Rouge. Buses were laid on outside the hall to carry those who had been lucky enough to blag a silver envelope containing a pink cardboard cutout pair of scissors. Well if you are going to organise a camp party you might as well start with gay looking invites!
Rouge is gradually becoming our second home, nearly every month the London nightclub hosts a showbiz party and just a few days ago Travis hired the place after they played at the Mean Fiddler across the road. Tonight Polydor records paid for the drinks and entertainment which kicked off at Midnight until 3am. The band welcomed their love ones into the VIP lounge upstairs before mixing with the guests on the dancefloor below and we made a new friend, we never found out their name, but had quite a close one-night relationship with them. Especially when their tounge crept towards our neither regions! Now before you start locking your bedroom door and wiping the Kleenex out from under your bed, this isn't a sexual encounter. Because our new friend was a bloody snake!
Yes, that's correct. At 1.40am we had a snake wrapped our necks who started crawling up our legs and hissing away like buggery. The handler, which was this glammed up freak remarked how much the snake 'liked us!'. Nervously we asked the owner of the said reptile if the snake minded being in such surroundings,
'Oh no', he replied 'He was brought up in an environment like this!'
'What a bloody disco?
Our witty reply didn't go down too well, probably because the owner was American and sharp humor normally tends to get lost between a Brit and a Yank. So the snake was taken away from us and it was time to find another entertainer to amuse us. This time it was time to offend a magician, we didn't 'mean' to upset them but the temptation was far too great...
The magician, yet another glammed up bird, had a piece of rope which she dangled in front of us and, to coincide with theme of 'Scissors' asked us to snip the rope in two with some 'invisible' scissors. (Our two index fingers). The rope 'magically' cut in two and bewildered all the gawp-looking audience. Well, except one of our colleges, who spotted a chunk of rope being thrown over our shoulder whilst the trick was being performed in front of another member of our staff. The security then mucked up the trick even more by pointing to the chunk of rope lying on the floor and then 'dared' us to give the magician the piece of rope back whilst she was in the middle of repeating the trick to somebody else - we did! And then left the club pretty sharpish! Which brings this report to a pretty abrupt end.